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Monday, October 24, 2005

Smallville Becoming Porn


I don't watch Smallville. I haven't since the first season. And not that Smallville was ever a paragon of television realism, they're starting to turn it into the plot of a cheap 70s porno. Check out what's up for the next episode:
"Clark (Tom Welling) and Jonathan (John Schneider) are thrilled when Jake Jennings (guest star Tom Wopat), Jonathan's oldest friend, rolls into the Kent farm looking for their support in his campaign for re-election to the senate. However, after a young girl named Melissa (guest star Sarah Mutch) turns up dead, it is revealed that she was a stripper and Jennings' mistress, which makes him the prime suspect. Searching for answers, Chloe (Allison Mack) convinces Lois (Erica Durance) to go undercover as a stripper, but things take a dangerous turn when Lois gets kidnapped by a diplomat's son (guest star Woody Jeffreys) who intends to sell her into slavery."

The only thing missing is Lana Lang working out an alternate way to pay the pizza delivery guy... with sexy results.

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posted by Mike at 6:00 PM

11 Comments:

  • I always thought that the actor who plays Clark's "acting" was on par with the "acting" of a porn star, so maybe you're onto something.

    By Blogger Rob, at October 24, 2005 9:07 PM  

  • That's a slap in the face of porn actors.

    By Blogger Mike, at October 24, 2005 11:56 PM  

  • I knew there was a reason I stopped watching Smallville. But then, maybe this is a reason to start again...

    By Blogger Davíd, at October 25, 2005 1:37 PM  

  • I heard that either that in this season or last, Clark and Lana had sex. And that it was fakeass television sex where everyone has nice hair and there's candles everywhere. Can anyone confirm this and tell me how utterly cheesy it was?

    By Blogger Rob, at October 25, 2005 1:48 PM  

  • Clark and Lana had sex? Didn't the writers ever read Larry Niven's essay?

    By Blogger Davíd, at October 25, 2005 7:33 PM  

  • Which essay is this? Details and links, please!

    By Blogger Rob, at October 25, 2005 8:03 PM  

  • Okay, I found it. The killer sperm bit reminds me of the Filth.


    Howard Stern made the argument that if Superman has enough self control not to tear off someone's hand while giving a handshake he should be able to fuck Lois without killing her.

    Interestingly enough, a while back, writer Mark Millar made simliar arguments about Clark not being attracted to Lois Lane. He said that it would be like Tarzan being attracted to apes. As he's a Kryptonian, chances are, biologically, he wouldn't be drawn to her. He made the argument that the Clark Kent persona was attracted to her, but like Clark Kent himself, it's an act.

    By Blogger Rob, at October 25, 2005 8:09 PM  

  • I dunno if that's true or not Rob, but I will say this: every show on the WB has sex scenes with candles and cliches. so if they did, guaranteed, that's how it was done.

    By Blogger Mike, at October 26, 2005 12:00 AM  

  • What the WB needs is more sex like in History of Violence. Wouldn't it be great to see people get thrown around the room, breaking shit?

    By Blogger Rob, at October 26, 2005 12:10 AM  

  • There's a big difference between shaking someone's hand and having sex with them.

    At least I hope there is, or I've been doing it wrong.

    By Blogger Davíd, at October 26, 2005 10:17 AM  

  • David: Unless Superman has been giving super pleasurable kryptionion handjobs, then yes I guess sex is different from shaking hands. Unless Lois Lane's a dickgirl...then I imagine Batman does have a reason to "suspect" Superman to be evil.

    As for sex with Lana, it hasn't happen. I'm pretty sure of it. I mean it's just recently that Clark had said he loved Lana like finally admitting it.

    But Smallville has been alright for the season opener and ender. Zod entered in a pretty primo fashion, shit got wrecked and fotresses solitudely built.

    By Blogger S, at October 26, 2005 2:19 PM  

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